The only comedy tour where the jokes are confessions and the punchlines are court orders.

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📅 Tour Schedule

Opening Night – Facebook Live (Every Day, 7AM & 7PM)
Mark warms up the crowd by posting vague quotes about “toxic people” while leaving out literally every toxic thing he himself has ever done. It’s like karaoke, but instead of singing, it’s projection on repeat.

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Stop #1 – Contempt Court Comedy Club
Featuring Mark’s greatest hit: “I swear I’m working on it… as we speak.”
Spoiler: He’s been “working on it” longer than George R.R. Martin has been writing Winds of Winter.

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Stop #2 – The Pickleball Pavilion
Because somehow, blindness only prevents him from working and parenting — not from tracking a fluorescent ball moving 40mph in the dark. Get ready for his bit:
“I can’t see working… oops, I mean I can’t see, so I can’t work!”
Cue laugh track.

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Stop #3 – Our Family Wizard Improv Night
A silent performance! Watch as Mark logs in once, replies vaguely, then disappears for months.
Audience participation encouraged: every time he dodges responsibility, everyone yells “Toxic!”

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Stop #4 – The Kartini Clinic Roast
Mark’s crowd-pleaser. He reads from a contract he forced his son to sign denying his medical diagnosis. The punchline?
The actual psychiatrist already wrote a 10-page letter proving him wrong.

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Stop #5 – The Youth Sports Arena
Special guest hecklers include “Uncle F*** Joe Biden” and “Coach’s Hat Thief.” Watch the game stop mid-play as Mark films chaos, giggling like a middle-schooler caught farting in church.

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Finale – DARVO University Commencement Ceremony
Mark closes the tour with a diploma presentation: Doctor of Bullshit, Minor in Projection, Honors in Playing the Victim. 🎓
Audience receives complimentary tissues (for laughing) and earplugs (for the lies).

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🎟 Ticket Prices

• General Admission (For Mark’s Followers) – $499.99
  Includes a free gaslight, one Facebook block, and a pamphlet titled “How To Ignore Court Orders in 3 Easy Steps.”
• VIP Package – “Best Dad Ever Experience” – $999.99
  Comes with a selfie next to Mark holding a “World’s #1 Victim” mug, plus the privilege of hearing him whine about “toxic people” in person.
  Note: Child support not included.
• Super Deluxe Victim Bundle – $3,333.33
  Front row seats to watch Mark deny medical evidence, reverse blame, and laugh while chaos unfolds.
  Each bundle comes with a commemorative DARVO University Diploma signed in Mark’s favorite flavor crayon.

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🚨 Special Offer

FREE ADMISSION to anyone who can spot bullshit from 50 feet away.
Your ticket includes unlimited eye-rolls, popcorn for the projection show, and an exit strategy for when the gaslighting smoke gets too thick.

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🎁 Merch Table

• “Toxic People Quotes” inspirational posters (printed on recycled restraining orders).
• Stolen baseball caps (slightly used, no refunds).
• Limited Edition: “Doctor of Bullshit” diploma replicas.

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This isn’t just a tour. It’s the most expensive pity party in America.
The only thing Mark’s selling more than tickets is his victimhood brand.