**📜 Coffee With Mark: The Gospel According to Grievance (Joann Edition) **

Welcome back to Mark’s Ministry of Misdirection, where no perceived slight goes unpunished, no scripture goes unmisquoted, and every critic becomes a “false prophet”—especially if they lived in his house when things fell apart.

Today’s sermon?
Mark’s latest tirade, this time featuring Joann Carpenter — the woman who not only endured Mark’s chaotic exit from Tori’s life but who also became the target of his year-long smear campaign on social media.

Let’s rewind:
Joann was Tori’s houseguest, peacefully residing there, when Mark lost control—shoving her, spitting in her face, and demanding she leave the house (which, we note again for the record, was Tori’s house… not Mark’s).

Fast-forward a year and what do we find?
Mark still can’t let it go — posting blurry, poorly written Facebook “exposés” accusing Joann of being a “false prophet” who charges $275 for a blood DNA cleansing.
(It’s honestly impressive that he manages to keep finding new ways to say the same thing over and over, just with worse punctuation every time.)

The pattern is unmistakable:
1️⃣ Post vague spiritual warnings about “wolves and goats infiltrating the flock.”
2️⃣ Quote scripture wildly out of context.
3️⃣ Accuse Joann by name (because, naturally, this is about his pure ministry, not personal vendettas).
4️⃣ Proclaim that he is far too peaceful and holy to engage… while posting a wall of text so dense, chaotic, and poorly punctuated it could be used to test AI’s ability to parse nonsense.

Signature Mark lines from this week’s masterpiece:

• “I will not waste another second on you!”
  Translation: “I’m going to spend the next year degrading, berating, and deriding you on every platform I can.”
• “I’m so peaceful and unconcerned!”
  Translation: “Here’s 500 words mashed together into a single paragraph riddled with misspelled words, no punctuation, and frantic accusations.”
• “You are obsessed with me!”
  Translation: “I’ve posted about you nonstop for 12 months and will continue indefinitely.”

And let’s not overlook the stylistic brilliance here:
Mark’s rant is practically a stream-of-consciousness novella — no punctuation where it’s needed, punctuation where it doesn’t belong, and run-on sentences that could circle the globe.
Nothing quite says “I’m calm and peaceful” like typing in a frenzied haze for hours at a time, all while declaring himself above it all.

The hypocrisy is breathtaking:
Mark claims Joann is out of context, obsessed, a liar, and a fraud — all while refusing to acknowledge that he’s the one dedicating significant chunks of his life to crafting these obsessive rants, blurring her photos, pasting accusations over her face, and dragging every Facebook friend into his one-man crusade.

✨ The moral of the story?
When Mark says he’s too peaceful to waste time on someone…
🔥 You can bet a year’s worth of social media posts is about to follow.