Mark Anthony Stephens has graced us yet again with a revelation so profound, so theologically airtight, that even Noah himself would be confused. On a bright yellow canvas decorated with lightning bolts and emoji-level theology, Mark declares:

“The more I see how people are today, the more I understand why Yahweh-God had Noah only save the animals.”

Ah yes, Mark — taking biblical revisionism to a whole new level. Because apparently, in Mark’s version of Genesis, it was just a boat full of elephants, giraffes, and righteous schnauzers sailing happily while humanity drowned in their emoji-laden wickedness.

But let’s unpack this a bit.

Biblical Literacy: Optional

First, a minor detail Mark missed: Noah didn’t only save the animals. In fact, if we crack open the very book he’s selectively quoting, we learn that Noah’s family — humans — were saved too. Which means either:

• Mark skipped that chapter entirely (maybe distracted by preparing his next social media highlight reel),
• Or he’s suggesting that Noah should have left all the humans behind… you know, except himself, presumably.

Mark’s Ark: A Seating Chart

If Mark had captained the Ark, the passenger list would read:

• 2 goats ✅
• 2 lions ✅
• Mark ✅
• Literally no one else.

Because why would Mark include “people today”? After all, he’s got receipts, hats he didn’t pay for, and a history of disrupting children’s sporting events to prove his moral superiority.

In fact, putting Mark in charge of the Ark would be like putting the wolf in charge of the sheep — and we all know how that would end: with a selfie, an Instagram highlight, and no sheep left aboard.

Irony Drenched in Emoji

This is the same man who:

• Couldn’t complete court-mandated parenting evaluations,
• Failed to show consistent support for his own children (except for recording their basketball games — not for memories, but seemingly for ammo),
• Created chaos at youth events while laughing from the sidelinesRob_Peters_Mark_Stephen….

And yet… he’s here judging humanity’s worthiness from atop a self-constructed pedestal. The irony isn’t just rich — it’s flood-worthy.

Caption suggestion for this post image:

“If Mark was Noah, only the animals (and his camera phone) would survive.”