Welcome to Narcology — a wholly new, wholly invented discipline where theology meets ego, and spiritual language is weaponized for maximum projection. At its core, Narcology isn’t about faith, truth, or grace. No, no. It’s about sanctifying self-obsession under the guise of divine insight.

This is the gospel according to the chronically online narcissist — where every grievance becomes a revelation and every act of cruelty is repackaged as “correction in love.”

The Core Tenets of Narcology

• Doctrine of Divine Victimhood:
  In Narcology, the narcissist is never wrong; they are persecuted. Every critique? That’s “an attack from Jezebel.” Every call for accountability? “Religious persecution.” Every court order, restraining order, and lost custody battle? “Proof of their righteous suffering.”
• Projection as Prophecy:
  In the sacred texts of Narcology, anything the practitioner accuses others of… is exactly what they themselves are doing. Abuse? Neglect? Manipulation? If they say it, it must apply — just not to them. Classic DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender), but with a Bible verse thrown in for gravitas.
• Scriptural Smokescreens:
  Why address your personal failings when you can selectively quote scripture out of context? Need to dodge child support? Matthew 19:6. Want to shame an ex? Proverbs 5. Want to ignore a medically urgent eating disorder? “Your body is a temple” becomes a cudgel — even when that temple is starving.
• The Sacrament of Smearing:
  Narcology teaches that Facebook is a pulpit. Why pray in private when you can smear in public? “I would rather my kids hate me for telling them the truth,” the Narcologist declares — while broadcasting their distortions to a dwindling audience of tired onlookers who can’t muster a single “like.”

Case Studies in Narcological Practice

• The Hat Heist:
  Even when caught with someone else’s child’s hat on their head — and three different versions of how they came to possess it — the Narcologist does not repent. Instead, they sit nearby as a child cries, wearing the stolen hat like a crown of self-made martyrdom
• The False Prophet of Pediatric Nutrition:
  When a child is medically starving, the Narcologist arrives not with nourishment but with conspiracy theories:
  Soy makes you gay, almond milk is gospel, and every pediatrician is part of a pharmaceutical cabal. Even the existence of ARFID is questioned — despite being a documented condition in psychiatric manuals since 2013. Instead of cooperating, the Narcologist brings chaos to treatment sessions, undermines recovery, and forces the child to sign “contracts” under duress — all while claiming they’re “just trying to protect them.”
• The Basketball Tournament Debacle:
  When their friend shouts obscenities at a children’s basketball game, the Narcologist does not intervene. Instead, they film the chaos, laughing in the stands, basking in the attention while the gym clears out around them.

The Creed of Narcology

At its heart, Narcology is projection masquerading as pastoral care. It’s a theology where one’s darkest impulses — control, abuse, manipulation — are dressed up in the language of righteousness.

It asks no real introspection, only ever searching for mirrors into which the Narcologist can project their flaws — always assigning them to others.

Closing Benediction

Friends, if you encounter a Narcologist, beware:

• They may quote scripture, but they do not live by it.
• They may claim insight, but they cannot self-reflect.
• They may preach peace, but their fruits are chaos.

And remember: when they say “I’m just speaking the truth in love,” they’re likely speaking their truth — a truth distorted, deflected, and wrapped in the shiny veneer of projection.

Narcology Hall of Fame