You know, if you take Mark at face value — and we recommend you never do — you might think he’s living his best life: healed, whole, no longer looking back, “just focusing on God.”

But Mark accidentally revealed the truth this week… again.

While preaching about how one must “stop checking on your ex” and “let go so you can move forward,” Mark also — somehow — knows the exact number of times Tori is attacked by demons per week.

That’s right, folks: not an estimate, not a vague feeling.
👉 Four times.
Not three. Not five. Exactly four.
Because apparently, demons attack on a strict schedule… and Mark has the audit log.

💡 Questions we all have:

• How does Mark know this precise number if he’s “not checking on her”?
• Is there a heavenly Excel spreadsheet he gets a copy of every Monday morning?
• Or did he enroll in a remote viewing program with the demon division?
• Maybe he installed a Ring camera on Tori’s soul.
• Knowing what her new beau does and talks about? WTAF???

Even better: Mark has detailed commentary on Tori’s new beau, their “sins,” their “spiritual condition,” and presumably their grocery list — but swears he’s completely detached and above it all.

🎯 This is peak Mark:

“I’m not watching her life… but here’s a detailed surveillance report on her spiritual attacks, moral failings, and relationship status.”

At this point, we can only assume that Mark’s “spiritual discernment” comes with a real-time data dashboard and push notifications every time Tori commits the grievous sin of… living her life.

🖋️ Closing snark:
If you’re ever wondering whether Mark practices what he preaches, the answer is simple:

He doesn’t — unless what he preaches is contradiction, projection, and carefully calibrated moral panic.

So grab your popcorn (but don’t get soy milk — Mark’s convinced that “makes you gay,” remember?) and stay tuned for the next thrilling installment of Mark’s Victorious Victimhood Chronicles™, where moving on looks a whole lot like obsessive monitoring… with a side of demon math.